#TDSU Episode 266:

⏱️ Timestamps:

00:00:00 - Intro

00:01:16 - The awkward Reddit post

00:02:10 - Anodyne responses explored

00:03:15 - Romantic intentions revealed

00:04:59 - Navigating workplace boundaries

00:06:54 - Remote work relationships

00:07:33 - Dynamics and drama at the office

00:08:54 - Power dynamics and misreads

00:11:28 - Risky business of office romance

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🤝 Connect with the hosts:

Dillon's LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/dillonryoung

JP's LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/jeanpierrefrost/

Rob's LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/rob-zambito/

[JP] (0:00 - 0:30)

Some workplaces are also different. If you're working at McDonald's, you're working on fries, they're working on the burgers, maybe there's something happening, you know what I mean? You know, what, you got a job?

You know, because they got it, like it happens, like teenagers who are working at the same, but we're talking about, we're talking about grown folks, business. Are you ready for this? Are you ready?

[Dillon] (0:31 - 0:48)

Oh, Lord. What's up, lifers, and welcome to The Daily Standup with Lifetime Value, where we're giving you fresh new customer success ideas every single day. I got my man JP with us.

JP, you want to say hi?

[JP] (0:48 - 0:50)

About to get real juicy today.

[Dillon] (0:52 - 1:00)

And we have Rob with us. Rob, can you say hi? They call me Sockless Bob.

Oh, goodness.

[JP] (1:00 - 1:01)

It's a deep cut. It's a deep cut, y'all.

[Dillon] (1:02 - 1:15)

Oh, goodness. And I am your host. My name is Dillon Young.

Raise your hand, which one of you would like to bring a topic to the table? JP, it's all you.

[JP] (1:16 - 1:33)

All right. Well, we had a... Yeah, it's me.

So we had a... Yeah. Hey.

So there was a mildly unfortunate situation. Somebody posted... Somebody posted, I think, was it a guy?

I mean, it doesn't really matter.

[Dillon] (1:33 - 1:34)

I don't know, actually.

[JP] (1:34 - 2:04)

But like, basically, there was a guy, Dillon floated this Reddit post, whereas in coworker stories, Reddit, I believe it is, looks like somebody was leaving their position and, you know, left a message to somebody texting him saying, hey, you know, it was great working with you. Like, I'll miss you. You know, would love to stay in touch something.

And this person gave back a very, you know, warm, polite response to this particular, you know, request.

[Dillon] (2:04 - 2:04)

Do you think it was warm?

[JP] (2:05 - 2:07)

I think it was polite.

[Dillon] (2:07 - 2:10)

It was polite. I think it was anodyne is what it was.

[JP] (2:10 - 2:49)

There we go. That's the word I was looking for is anodyne. You hit the nail on the freaking head, baby.

That's what I was trying to... Ding, ding. OK, so she left an anodyne response to this message.

And part of what she said was, we'll miss you. Notice this. He said, I will miss you.

And she said, we'll miss you, you know, keep in touch or something like that. So a week and a half later, this person says, hey, would you like to come out and go for some coffee or something like that? And the person is like, sorry, I don't think I have this number seen.

Cold. Ouch.

[Dillon] (2:51 - 3:09)

He did say, I'm going to miss you. I miss that. I thought he said, I'll miss working with you because he was like afraid of coming on too strong.

And he was trying to, like, put some edges around it. But no, he just but he also said he also said, God bless.

[Rob] (3:09 - 3:15)

Yeah, they're dropping some blessings back and forth. So he's trying to, you know, a little holy kinship there.

[JP] (3:15 - 3:52)

So so we so here we go. We have a situation where it didn't it didn't say whether this person was romantically interested in the other person, by the way. There was nothing in there.

I think it just made me think about boundaries in general around work, the boundaries that we have with our co-workers, boundaries we have with our customers, the boundaries that we have between work and like our lives, our professional and personal boundaries. That will be interesting to take on. But I mean, we can also get spicy with it and talk about, you know.

[Dillon] (3:52 - 4:54)

I like the way you expanded the borders and said boundaries with work and our personal lives. One clarification, he was romantically interested because the whole point of the post is the post is titled. This means she's not interested, right?

So he was trying to get her to go out for a drink. We assume it's. Oh, yeah, she's not interested.

And I think we should clarify this by saying not one of the three of us condones this sort of behavior. It is just sort of like devastatingly awkward and funny for that reason. That's why we're bringing it up.

And I originally shared this with you guys as like, this is funny because I'm a gross Reddit dweller. And so I came across this and shared it with you guys. And JP, you're the one that suggested like, oh, it's actually an interesting commentary on the way we view boundaries.

So we figured we'd discuss it. JP, what's your initial question around this? Or what does it make you think of as it relates to boundaries?

[JP] (4:59 - 6:18)

So one thing that popped up in my mind, for example, is how the remote quality of a lot of work, you know, sometimes people do a hybrid or they are still working like on site with one another. And history tells us a lot of people do actually end up meeting a partner at work. It's also one of those things that people usually advise against.

But now that dating apps are super popular, right? That's another thing. But now it's sort of more of a, OK, like, you spend a lot of time with these folks.

You get to talk with them, you know, on sometimes almost a daily basis. Some people are single, you know, some people, they in something, but they want to get into something else, too. You know, there's all sorts of stuff about.

But the important thing is the important thing is here is navigating this, because I think that this is a topic that just sort of gets like shut down. Some people are totally, you know, like, oh, like I would never. And that's their thing.

Some people may be more in the middle. Some people are like, hey, man, I'm looking to play ball wherever there's a court. You know what I mean?

Like, it's like, you go, you go out of different ways.

[Dillon] (6:18 - 6:23)

JP, this might have to be a monologue because I cannot co-sign on any of this.

[JP] (6:23 - 6:53)

No, no. What do you mean co-sign a bit? All of all I'm saying, all I'm saying here is that.

Even if the boundary is as simple as you're not as good of a friend with your coworker as you think you are. Have you ever worked with someone where, especially in the remote world, maybe you think that you're a little bit closer with a coworker than you really are and you're not?

[Dillon] (6:54 - 7:28)

I mean, you may find out. I've been let go from jobs and been in the middle of friendly conversations with coworkers on text and then legit never talk to them again when I left a job. That's so opposite of me.

It wasn't my choice. Like they, I would say like, oh, hey, like I'll miss working with you. Not creepy like this guy and never even get a response.

I'll miss working with you. God bless. And never get a response back.

[Rob] (7:28 - 7:29)

I'll sniff your hair doll.

[JP] (7:30 - 7:33)

Rob, please share what you was going to share.

[Rob] (7:33 - 7:54)

I was going to share something a little bit more academic, of course. I mean, look, I think the office did more damage for workplace relationships. Yeah.

Not always a Jim and Pam story. I'm thinking about, it's interesting though, right? Like I think about organizational dynamics all the time.

You guys know this organizational psychology.

[JP] (7:55 - 7:58)

I got your organizational dynamics, baby.

[Rob] (8:00 - 8:09)

There's, I think it's called structural family therapy. I was learning about recently. It's like this family therapy that's based around like coalitions and boundaries within family dynamics.

[JP] (8:09 - 8:11)

Um, yeah.

[Rob] (8:11 - 8:39)

And it's actually like, it's very insightful. And I, and I think the same principles apply when it comes to workplace dynamics too. Right.

And you could imagine these dynamics probably go back to the dawn of humanity. Right. I mean, Alexander, the great must've been hanging out with some of his coworkers, you know?

Oh, he was doing more than that. Oh Lord. Why him?

I don't know. I just picked an ancient person. Might as well pick Caligula.

[JP] (8:39 - 8:40)

All right.

[Rob] (8:41 - 8:51)

Confucius. I don't know. I mean, pick a random.

That's good. But I think, I think, I think the key is like, you know, being aware of sometimes these things are going to happen, but I think a key is like being aware of power dynamics.

[JP] (8:52 - 8:54)

That's a thing. There we go. There we go.

[Rob] (8:54 - 9:20)

That's where things can get really messy. Like a superior and their direct report. This case is kind of interesting with this, this, you know, poor dude who just seems to be having an awkward interaction.

Like he's gone from the job. So those power dynamics have, I would say structurally they've left, but the residue of them, the impact is still kind of there, you know?

[Dillon] (9:21 - 9:55)

This is all so weird though. The way it's phrased in this message is I resigned at blah, blah, blah. Today's my last day.

I just wanted to say thanks for everything. That feels power dynamic-y, right? It was great meeting you.

I'm going to miss you, which are two sort of like opposed sayings of like, I have very little history with you. It was great meeting you and I'm going to miss you, which implies a familiarity. Very odd.

Plus the God bless at the end, which is wild.

[JP] (9:55 - 9:55)

Yeah.

[Dillon] (9:56 - 11:28)

This person says, I am sorry to hear you go, but I am proud to hear you have gotten a great opportunity. So that's that power dynamic. Again, why would you be proud if you didn't have some contributory factor in them getting that job, like helping develop them as a person?

So that's weird. Keep in touch, which they don't mean evidently because they lost. Thank you very much for all your hard work, which again, power dynamics.

I'm so confused by this situation. I think this dude, whoever this is, could not read the room to save their life. Here's what I think or my opinion on all of this.

Rob, you said these things happen. It's just super important to recognize the power dynamics. At least for me, power dynamics and overall trying to read the room can be very difficult at times.

That's why you will typically hear people say like, don't even touch it. Don't even think about it, because if you get it wrong, the stakes are way too high. Don't even because everybody will agree like, oh, well, if there's mutual interest, that's fine.

But if there's not, man, you're in trouble. That's why typically this is like a hot potato of a topic and nobody wants to touch it because there's too much at stake and it's way too easy to make a mistake.

[JP] (11:28 - 11:36)

Let me tell you something. JP loves steak and potatoes. So I put my hands right in it.

My strong hand.

[Dillon] (11:41 - 11:43)

Whether this ever comes out.

[JP] (11:44 - 12:28)

I think you brought it home, Dillon, which is like, ultimately, you're playing with fire at work, but some workplaces are also different. If you're working at McDonald's, I'm not trying to belittle McDonald's, but I'm saying you, you're working on fries. They're working on the burgers.

There's a little something, maybe there's something happening. You know what I mean? You're, you got a job, you know, because you know, they got it like it had like teenagers who are working at the same, like, of course.

But we're talking about, we're talking about grown, grown folks business. We're talking about grown folks business. We don't know that.

We're talking about practice.

[Dillon] (12:28 - 12:31)

This guy could have resigned from McDonald's. Who knows?

[JP] (12:31 - 12:36)

That's true. He could have, and she could have been like proud and proud of all the work you do on the fries. That's true.

[Dillon] (12:39 - 12:45)

Boys, that's our time. McDonald's. I'm loving it.

[VO] (12:50 - 13:26)

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